To not begin the journey is to stay within the limited perspective of the physical world.  A world filled with expectations, fixed ideas and idéals. To begin the journey is to start to enter the depths of the unknown.  It is within us and yet also surrounds us in all the tangible manifestations that we expérience. 

Again and again we are pulled back into the world of desire, of expectations.  Each time we remember, our breath slows, our mind becomes more spacious and our physical body relaxes a little.  If we never remember then we stay transfixed on the manifest reality.  

The mystery of life… it carries us forth.  We believe we know where we head and choose the direction time and place and yet the unknown is always just waiting.  Waiting for the moment to show itself,  Always there behind the surface but only seen when one pays attention.  The ordinariness of life – it brings such joy when one enters it’s inhérent peace and tranquility.  When we are so focussed on the tangible qualities and happenings of our life then the unknown becomes a fearful place.  Fearful because it is inherently unknown. Expectations are built giving a sensé of security and a sensé of meaning and yet when the unknown has a stronger présence in our lives, we have the opportunity to face it, to adjust our way of living and seing the world, to embrace the underlying, constant, unknown that brings joy from the ordinariness of every day life.  

The winds of change pass through my body and mind, creating tears, like a river that flows away into the unknown.  The desire to cover up the pain or the courage to feel completely, all that is there and to feel the emptiness left from all that has gone.  The knowing that to stay with the emptiness will allow something new to occur, perhaps joy will arrive, pure, light, unattached, not bound in any way.  

It's been a while since I've written here as life has kept me busy but with the new teacher training being imminent, I felt inspired to write something about my relationship with the training.

Ten years ago I attended my first Kundalini Yoga Class.  The class was held upstairs in a community church hall in Bethnal Green in London.  It was a classic wooden hall, quite cold and in many ways lifeless and yet, after that first class, nothing could stop me from returning each week to experience the feelings that this practise gave.  I was surprised that muic was involved and came to love this element of the practise.  Not only because of the effect on my body but also because of the magical aspect that vibration is the foundation of the universe!  This fact is so mind blowing to our western minds that it takes a long time for us to truly integrate this into our very being and to begin to live with it as a truth in our lives.  Six months later I found myself in East London on a Saturday morning beginning the Teacher Training.  At that time I couldn't imagine that I would become a teacher.  I was participating in the training to learn more about the practise and for my own personal growth.

After some years of intensive practise and facing many fears and challenges, a miracle happened and I was asked to begin running a Teacher Training in Brighton!  With lots of support and guidance, this miracle came to full fruition.  I learnt many things in those early years and began to relax as a Teacher.  My understanding of being a Yogi, being a Teacher and Living the Teachings, deeply integrated and evolved.  This December 2010 I will begin the fifth Kundalini Yoga Teacher Training in Brighton as well as the second Kundalini Yoga Teacher Training in Kinsale, Ireland. 

At my core, I am, of course, still the person that I always was, but I no longer have the same degree of habitual patterning ruling my life, so now I know who I am and what I need to do and this brings a great peace.  There are infinite ways to walk this life and the Kundalini Yoga Tradition is just one of these possible pathways.  If you feel its pull, feel inspired and elevated by the practise, then join us for a training.  Have the courage to open the door to a whole new adventure on your journey through life!

Awakening to the familiar sound of a strong male voice, filled with ecstasy and joy from chanting 'the name'. Feelings of deep coziness, wanting to remain in the same space, not wanting to enter the world. Not through fear or lack of energy but through wanting to remain, to remain at home, deep within myself. The feeling that when I move and speak, I enter the physical realm again. As I move, I am surprised to realise that I'm within a body and all the memories of who I am come flooding back. The feelings of my body, often delicate in their touch and constantly a source of pleasure and occasional pain. I become aware that my spine is allowing me to sit up straight and that without it's presence my body would collapse, just be a bag of bones and I bow to the wonder of this miracle. Beside me, the continuing sounds of connection, the deep male voice touching something, a distant memory, a feeling of excitement, of completeness is felt.

A small sound comes from my mouth and yet my being doesn't want to speak in this moment. The depth of the experience is so great that I don't want to leave it behind. I want to bring it into the world with me and yet, when I speak, much of that depth disperses, as if it never existed in the beginning, only to return when the same moment arrives again at an unknown time.

After some very busy weeks where I was blessed to attend the British and European Kundalini Yoga festivals, a women's camp and Le Martinet for Level 1 and 2 Trainings, I now have the time and space to really appreciate my new home, La Source, for the beautiful sanctuary that it is.  Slowly we progress with the organic insulation whilst simultaneously harvesting the apples and plums when they show themselves to be ready.  We have been blessed with some sevadars during the last weeks, helping us to take steps towards preparing La Source as a place that many will be able to enjoy.

As I engage in my daily practise, the sun begins to rise and the moonlight shines boldly in the garden.  From the darkness of the night comes the light of the day, revealing the bright red cherries on the tree overhead.  I am surrounded by the gentle singing of the birds and when looking into the distance, am blessed with the sight of fields full of life, stretching away as if with no end.  As my eyes reach the horizon I wonder if the rest of the world beyond this place of sanctuary and stillness has disappeared.  I play with the idea that everything else was but a dream and that all that was experienced before was not real but just a play of my mind... I hear the sweet chorus of voices gently carressing my eardrums accompanied by the sweet tones of music emerging from the harmonium and the guitar strings that are plucked in a continuous rhythm setting into motion a vibration that inspires all my cells to dance with joy.  Our morning practise comes to a close and I hear the gentle breeze moving the leaves above me as another day begins...

As the days tick by and my move to France comes closer, I find the dream becoming a reality and I find the world inside of myself becoming more real than the tangible world in which we live.  I observe my mind with amusement as I see the old patterns trying to take control and rule my life and I see them sulking, as I refuse to be controlled by them.  As each day passes and my observance of the world deepens, a new perspective of the world keeps emerging and yet underneath I see the same cycles and patterns that have always been there continuing on their journey where very little really changes.

As the snow clears away and the grass and trees are seen in all their glory, it is time to begin to put into place the seeds of our plans for this year so that they can begin to germinate over the next few weeks.  Six months before we have the physical experience, the energetic aspect has already been established for what is to come.  This is why great masters know six months before their own death that it is coming as they can feel it in their energetic bodies.  So, from our reflections of ourselves and our life that New Year often brings, we have a renewed vision for our future. It is time to take the steps to make that vision a reality. 

Don't be overwhelmed by the immensity of your task, just take small steps in the right direction with clear and good intention and release all those doubts about what might be possible or what you deserve in life and everything will begin to fall into place.  If you really want to be the creator of your own life and don't want to just be carried along by fate, then you must take responsibility and BEGIN TODAY!

To capture the essence, the numerous smells and sights of India requires each of us to journey into that place, to explore in our own way the beauty, the poverty, the humility and the wisdom.  For each of us the journey will be unique but if we open ourselves to connecting with the people of India, their stories, their histories, then we can be touched to the very core of our being by their words, their tears and their joy.  When we have many material things in life we are afraid that we will lose everything we have.  When we 'have' very little then each day is more about survival and we are transported more directly into the moment.  We may not live to see tomorrow so we simply focus on today.


There were often tears on my journey through India as I felt so deeply touched by the people I met and the experiences that came to me.  I was blessed to have much time for silent contemplation bringing a deeper sense of clarity and peace into my experience of life.  Being away from everything familiar gave a new opportunity to really be myself and not be constrained by old habits and old relationships - this is one of the aspects of travel that I've always loved.  I find that my 'two' worlds are not so far apart anymore, the beauty of just being what 'is' shines through more and more.

The familiar feelings of the cosy childhood arise unexpectedly as the child is fully present with her painting and the father smiles with joy at the sheer beauty of his daughter's presence in life. It is the safe, warm energy of the family space and yet the mother is absent. The feminine presence manifests through another who watches, observing the beauty of father and child, whilst present to the memories of her own childhood, so full of light and joy. As the rain would fall making beautiful music against the window pane, the child would smell the bread rising in the oven and know her mother was present, perhaps the sound of gentle humming as her mother joyfully and fully present to the moment would take care of the family needs with no wish for anything different or more. Just a feeling of satisfaction of the existence in that moment that had always been imagined. Perhaps momentary feelings of bliss and connection, unknown by the mind but nonetheless felt in the way that true humility can inherently not be known within oneself but only through the reflection of another.

As the time passes and I sink deeper into the reality of being, the peace is stronger and more profound. There is the view from the window of prairies disappearing into the distance, meeting with the sky, all I see is beauty. Beauty in the meeting of the distant field with the horizon, beauty in the tiny blades of grass, swaying gently in the breeze, touched by a heavy rain drop, still present from the recent rainfall. Totally present, without a need for anything different, without awareness of experience, just a beingness that is, until it is no longer. As the cycle of night and day brings the sun and the moon anew every time, so the blades of grass exist within a cycle of life, their own particular cycle of life. No fighting, no expectation, just being with what is.

Sometimes I question what the yoga show is really all about and yet I cannot deny that I enjoyed my two days there and was aware of many people being touched by the Kundalini Yoga practise as a result of the classes/various conversations that people had over the three days. 

To teach an open class to 50 people using a head microphone whilst people are walking by and watching on is quite an experience.  It is a long way from a peaceful room with candles and soft music that are often associated with yoga!  On the one hand, the yoga show is totally commercial and as such the energy there is filled with that competitive, fearful edge of the Piscean Age.  Yet, amongst all that are some real gems and some real heart centered and transformational work does take place.  Interestingly, it's quite a paradoxical mix!

For me it does provide an opportunity to help introduce the teachings to many people that have never heard of Kundalini Yoga but also to provide a little more guidance to those people that have a small amount of experience and would like to take it further.  From that point-of-view it definitely has a role to play. 

Running into people that I've known a long time and taking the time to update ourselves with each others lives is a real blessing.  Alongwith running into those people that I don't know so well - one lady came and said hi as she recognised me from the workshop in Italy in June this year, 'Women's Spiritual Mastery.'  I had another bizarre meeting when I was on a packed tube on Saturday evening and was remembering why I left London when I found myself squashed next to a lady that had been at Cortijo Romero during the week that I was teaching there in 2007.

These experiences are such beautiful examples of the way that life is all interconnected and we know that there are no coincidences so somehow these seemingly 'chance' meetings have an impact on our lives, if we allow them to...

It has been another beautiful day and as I prepare to go and teach I am aware that it is just a few days now before I will leave this place that has been my home for the last 18 months and I head to pastures new, finding new sanctuaries as I go.

Always everything is changing but sometimes our awareness of this change is precise and clear and sometimes the change is so magnificent in its manifestation that it is as if we are obliged to stop for a moment and notice.  This is the space in which I currently find myself.  With my last 10 days staying at this flat which has been my home for the last 18 months, I find myself clearing out old paperwork and bringing all my 'business' up-to-date.  There has been a powerful clearing of space within over the last few years and now that manifests in the outer world.  A cycle is ending with the year being 2009 and with me being in the 7th year of a 7 year cycle of consciousness.  My age also points to particular changes which I can feel manifesting as each day passes.  Again, I find my life experiences confirming the teachings that I have been blessed to find. 

A deepening within is occurring and removal from current life circumstances is sure to release the remaining particles of habitual patterns that have run my life for many years but that are now just shadows of their former selves and are ready to depart from this being, leaving a space for new and different manifestations.  The magic of the universe shows itself to this being again and again in so many different forms.  There is never ending magic, sacredness and love within this world, it is just a matter of whether we see the glass half empty because we feel we are a victim or lacking something, or the glass half full because we feel so abundant that we've given half of everything we have away to others...

Sometimes the day feels so long,

other times it feels too short,

how can this be...

our relation to time,

our 'control' over time,

mastery of the 2,

immortality appears.


Contemplation, meditation,

brings peace of mind,

expansive thoughts,

no limits, no judgements,

cosy body feelings,

lightness of body and mind,

stillness, oh so beautiful

manifestation always the consequence.

As the rain falls heavily from the sky, I feel so privileged to be watching and listening from the inside as I stay warm and dry with my hot drink and warm muffin.  The nights are beginning to draw in and the sunny days are fewer.  Again we feel the autumnal energies sweeping through us, our energies change alongwith our outlook.  As I listen to some eclectic French music, whilst in this very contemplative mood, it is as if I'm whisked off to another time, another place, another experience, did I dream it, did I truly experience it in this physical body, is it some one elses memory that has lodged itself into my subconscious...

As my level of subtelty increases, so my awareness of time never stopping feels very BIG and hence the ongoing, never ending change that is embedded in the very core of life is experienced in deeper and more profound ways.  I experience myself as the same inner being of many years before and yet it is true that I now see and experience the world through very different eyes and yet the core of my being that I've known for as long as I can remember has never changed, it is reliable, it is unchanging and yet it isn't tangible. 

You ask me, what is this core being of yours, tell me about it, but there is no word that can describe it, words can act as signposts, as indications but they can never fully describe the feelings of peace, of joy, of sadness, of stillness that I feel so deep within myself.  Gradually they come up towards the surface of my being as they gently, although sometimes very drastically, begin to be embodied in the being that is Ishwara and it seems that it is a journey, a journey of awareness, of deepening, of embodying, to then return to the starting place where everything is the same and yet paradoxically totally different...